I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art the other day to check out some paintings.
The admission price is something like twenty dollars but what people don't know if that you are admitted with a donation and the donation can be any amount you'd like. I never give more than one dollar. For some reason, many people are afraid to do this. They think the person at the desk is going to give them a dirty look or something. The secret is to approach as a Dickensian character. I don't know how but I somehow transform into a different person when I need to. I become so charming, it's unbelievable. One of the great tragedies of my life is that I will never be on the receiving end of my own charm.
Anyways, I turn on the charm. Give one dollar. The girls at the desk fight to jump over and put my sticker on me and guide me to whatever I'm looking for. I then look at them as if I'm accomplished a Herculean task and am exhausted as I thank them. I walk in...
This is enjoyable for the first hour or two and then I start to get tired. I always look at all the interesting art very carefully and it's very tiring standing around. I need to figure out how to get wheelchair service, one of the Met employees can push me around, it'll be great. I'll be looking into that as soon as I'm finished writing this.
As I was walking around I wondered where the really nice big window was, the one you always see on Instagram. I approached a girl who was sitting by a moat. I mean, it wasn't a moat but there was water in some sort of floor display. Anyways, I asked her and then it happened it slow motion. She turned her head toward me and her jaw dropped.
I Love Your Voice."
I froze. This can't be happening. Marry me. She can't be talking to me. My voice? MY voice? The same voice that I can't stand to listen to? I don't believe it.
Now I know that a lot of people don't like the sound of their own voice but for me it's different. My voice has a quality to it that is most likely caused by my posture and the fact that I'm a lazy speaker. I barely breathe when I speak and my lips hardly move. I can sound very different if I consciously try to but I rarely find motivation to do so. Maybe I'll try to make a habit out of it. We'll see.
In other instances my voice is unrecognizable. Like in this video:
Why does my voice change so drastically? No doubt it's a sign of multiple mental illnesses. Multiple personalities or something. Anyways, I'm getting off topic.
When the girl said that she liked my voice something strange happened, I felt really good. Here's a girl who unknowingly took the thing that I probably least like about myself and complimented me on it. It's a cliche to compliment something that they are self-conscious about but for the first time in my life I realized how effective it really was because it was working on me. I had no choice to feel great. Only now do I truly understand it.
Why do I write this? I don't know. The truth is that you won't understand it until it happens to you. I compliment people all the time on areas I know that they are self-conscious about and you see the effect but you really don't know what it's like until you are on the receiving end. Now I know...
I perform wonders without hands and walk the earth without feet.